Someone once told me that when the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of changing. You will change. It will be inevitable because you just can’t take it anymore. You can’t be stuck and hurting forever.
But what happens to that pain? Do we sweep it under the rug and cover it up with things or people? Maybe we turn to alcohol and drugs. We don’t have to be addicts to know that there are ways of lifting ourselves up, even for a time being to numb the feelings. I think we always carry pain with us and learn how to deal with it differently.
Recently I’ve discovered pain and how it’s been sitting with me for quite some time. I’ve never really noticed it much before, it sat there quietly never speaking up when things felt wrong or uneasy. I would push it to the side and say it’s okay, everything is good. When it wasn’t okay and nothing was good. I was trying to change myself for someone else, to form into their mold and make them happy so they would stay. So they would want me more. But the fact is, none of that was happening. I was giving up pieces of myself, all the good things to them. They took those amazing pieces and brushed them off like dirt. It cut wounds in my self-esteem, it burned my self-love away. I was left with bewilderment and wondered how I would build myself up again. How does it feel to be full again?
We are such funny creatures because we want to please others, we want to be liked and loved. When really, loving ourselves is the hardest and most important part. We make up excuses that we aren’t good enough, or we are incapable of love and passion that those things don’t live inside of us. Yet, we are born pure and full of joy and happiness. It’s the world that brings us down and tells us how we should or shouldn’t be. Don’t be too vulnerable and let someone in because you’ll get hurt. Isn’t that the whole point? Isn’t letting someone fill in the cracks to make you whole worth everything else. I mean the pain you feel now will make you so much stronger for round two, three, four and each round after that. No matter what life throws your way. If we can’t feel the pain and lick our wounds to become stronger. Then what is the point?
You can’t hide from pain, but I think the more you push it away and you don’t acknowledge it the more afraid you will be of it. The more you will let life’s amazingness pass you by. You will be so focused on the pain and protecting yourself, you’ll fear all potential of happiness.
We have to take a leap of faith, let the pain teach us it’s okay to move forward and experience earth shattering heartbreaks, loss of self and loss of self-love, to love someone more than yourself because those will build us up. It will allow us to discover and dig deeper into ourselves and grow from all that wretchedness. Like stepping stones to a higher vibrating being. So let the pain live in you, let it teach you what it needs and then let it pass.
If only we were able to see the blessings that are coming our way once we let go of the fear and allow ourselves to open up and become vulnerable. We would then not shy away from pain– we would welcome it with open arms knowing that whatever happens we can overcome it because we are so whole ourselves that nothing can possibly break us.